No matter your age, it’s never too early to start talking with your spouse about your wishes, desires and needs as you approach the empty nest years and retirement age.
Will you move to an independent living apartment that offers socialization with people your age and a maintenance-free lifestyle? Is assisted living high on your list because of the support that’s available 24/7?
If it seems difficult to start the conversation, Rhona Snyder, senior living consultant for the Good Samaritan Society, shares some tips to help.
The earlier the better
You never know when something might happen, and decisions need to be made sooner than later. Most of our Good Samaritan Society communities and many senior living communities are age 55 and older. Being able to at least begin the conversation as you move toward retirement age is important.
The more you communicate early, the more proactive you can be and the more information you can gain. It gives you time to be able to explore. You want to be as knowledgeable as you can be so that when decision time comes, you've done your homework.
Choose a calm environment
Make sure you’re in a relaxing place. You’ll want to approach the topic with the common goal of choosing what will be best for both of you.
If you want to include adult children in the conversation in the future, make sure they know your wishes and how they can help you.
Address health needs
Clear and calm conversation is the best way to discuss health needs. Identifying them will help you as you start exploring what’s out there.
When you understand what your spouse needs, you can find the right fit for both of you. Listen to each other with empathy and be completely transparent. It will help with the decision process.
Appreciate different perspectives
Information is power. Listen intently so you understand your spouse’s wishes. Ask questions to help discover their thoughts and feelings.
The term ‘senior living’ has multiple definitions in people’s minds – some think of it as an ‘old folks’ home.’ If your spouse has misconceptions, help them get the correct information.
Be partners in the journey
All of this has to be done with a lot of grace, empathy and a calm demeanor. It just helps you make the best decisions.
The sooner you start the journey of talking about and looking at senior living and services, it gives you control and allows your family to know your wishes.
Start touring together
Once you’ve had conversations, tour senior living communities together. You know each other well enough to read each other, and touring together will help you understand your spouse's perspective.
Don’t be afraid to tour and tour often. Tour at different times of the day. Tour on the weekend and then during the week. I really believe that every building has a feeling. When you walk into a building, you get a sense pretty quickly of whether it’s active or quiet and if it matches what you’re looking for.
Tours will help you make decisions that will meet both of your needs. Sometimes you need to compromise, but if you make those choices together, it goes better.
You and your spouse may not need senior living for 10 years or more, but having the discussion and being proactive about your future can give you as a couple peace of mind, and your family.
